


High School Angst

by tornyourdress



Category: British Comedy RPF, Have I Got News For You RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Crack, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:08:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24445588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tornyourdress/pseuds/tornyourdress
Summary: Ian, Paul, Angus and various other figures from 1990s British comedy are... students at an American high school.
Relationships: Angus Deayton/Caroline Quentin, Caroline Quentin/Paul Merton, Ian Hislop/Paul Merton
Kudos: 3





	High School Angst

**Author's Note:**

> In summer 2004, Jen (Jekesta) said: "you could always concentrate on the high-school-angst bits of hignfy" and then this happened.

**I. Ian. Homeroom.**  
High school’s meant to be the best time of your life, isn’t it? Wild parties, doing crazy irresponsible teenage things like sneaking out or stealing or skipping class or whatever. Except he doesn’t do any of those things. An occasional trip to the movies with Vicky is the extent of his love life. They’ve made out once or twice, but that’s as far as it goes. She doesn’t want anything more, not yet, and part of him is relieved, even though he knows has a feeling that he shouldn’t be quite as unconcerned about sex as he is. It’s abnormal.

 **II. Caroline. English Lit.**  
She has a Shakespeare class she wants to get to but she figures it’s better to miss that than miss her dance class later, and he’s been pestering her for this since this morning. The janitor’s closet is a cliché but there’s nowhere else to go. The bathroom, maybe – but they’d get caught, and she doesn’t want anyone to know that she’s cheating on her boyfriend with the captain of the football team, even though most girls would kill to be in her position right now. They want him. She has him. Is this why she’s doing this? she wonders.

 **III. Ian. Political Science.**  
He doesn’t necessarily like everyone in this class but he has to admit it’s the closest thing to intelligent conversation that he gets in this school. Clive’s speaking, and Ian’s just about to comment when Paul cracks a joke and everyone laughs. He doesn’t mind Paul being funny, he just wishes he could be funny about something relevant. Paul doesn’t even bother taking notes, in sharp contrast to Ian’s binders full of them, proof that he does pay attention. How is it that Paul always manages to do better in tests, then, when he doesn’t seem to make any effort?

 **IV. Paul. Lunch.**  
The PolSci crowd continue their debating as they eat, and he wanders off instead, bored already and in search of Caroline. Julian makes eyes at him from across the cafeteria but he sends a not-now signal. The jocks are being obnoxious, as usual, but he notices their leader isn’t around. Just as well. Not that he hates Angus – hatred takes up so much energy – but he doesn’t agree with his decisions, doesn’t see why he’s chosen this life. They had the same choice to make once. School god, drama geek. Hard to believe they ever had anything in common, now. 

**V. Angus. Lunch.**  
The door opens and they’ve been caught, just like that, by the one person they’ve been trying to hide it from. Clothes half-on, half-off, and there’s no way they can write this off as “nothing”. It’s “something”. Paul looks at them, and then walks away. Caroline runs after him without hesitation, not even looking back once. It’s then he realises that he never really had her, not in the way he wanted. She’s always been _his_. He tried to steal her away, a tool in some game that he didn’t even realise he was playing until now, and he’s lost.

 **VI. Ian. Chemistry.**  
The lab partners are assigned and he gets the guy who never bothers taking notes. Great. Maybe he can uncover the secret. He’s surprisingly silent, though. Maybe Chemistry doesn’t offer enough opportunities for random comments, though context has never been a problem for Paul before. And then, suddenly, quietly, desperately: “Do you think it’s weird not to care when your girlfriend’s cheating on you?” Ian doesn’t feel qualified to say anything more than “maybe”, even though it feels inadequate. They get started on the experiment, his fingers brushing against Paul’s as he pours the hydrochloric acid. Neither of them move.


End file.
